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(sorry, late to the thread) So if I'm playing casually with someone I'm not emotionally involved with greatly, I don't need or really even want aftercare. When I scene that way, it's physical, and never approaches my limits. With *my* Dom/me, however, I do. It's never negotiated, it's just given. It's within a BDSM relationship that I'll need the aftercare, because that is the place I am most emotionally vulnerable, and the space in which I am willing to challenge and push my physical boundaries. Could it be challenging to drive a motorcyle? I guess it's the difference between being a bottom getting sensation play, and a sub getting intense all around play. My body can handle a lot, it's when my heart and mind are toyed with that I need the connection reinforced at the end. I don't think there is anything wrong with people who don't want aftercare. I also don't think it's only the sub who needs it. I think whoever is being challenged in a scene past their comfort zone is the one who is going to need aftercare of some sort and sometimes, the Dom/me has to stretch more to give a sub what they want/crave. The only time I would be judgmental about NOT giving aftercare, is if the partner who doesn't need it can't or won't give it to the one who does.
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